Tripping the Light Not So Fantastic
Michelle on May 03 2008 at 11:18 pm | Filed under: The Personal
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Oh man.
I called up Sky to see if he was ready to go out to eat, and he asked me if he could come over instead. He sounded bad on the phone, and I got really worried. When I got there to pick him up, he was a mess. Turns out he took 6 tabs of acid last night (I think) and is having a bad trip. I am “babysitting” at this very moment. I’m watching him out of the corner of my eye. Giving him the task of peeling potatoes was pretty effective, but we ran out and now I am at a loss.
It’s not terrible for him all the time, but he keeps bursting into tears and saying incomprehensible things that are dark and scary. He quits this NOW or I am going to get him into treatment. He told me that he wants to move back in, which is something that he has been talking about for a while, so I think he means it. At any rate, it is not much of a choice at this point. I think he is doing this sort of thing a lot, which to me means that he is having a difficult time with reality.
Reality at this point in time is that school did not suddenly become interesting once he started college and that it has been very hard for him to make friends that are in college doing something with their lives. Some of this has to do with the school, which attracts low-income people with attractive benefit packages. It is not known for having an intellectual crowd, as Sky would like.
At any rate, I don’t know what to do. He wanted to move to Portland, OR if we went with him, but I told him that I did not feel I could manage that as a single parent. The support system I have here is good. He doesn’t want to move on his own, but his doesn’t like this town. I can’t say I blame him. There are some things that it takes years to appreciate, and even I have difficulty making good friends here. I do think that he needs some goals. Right now, they’re pretty vague: Move away from here someday.
He definitely needs purpose. He’s such a smart guy. He’s told me that he doesn’t feel motivated. This feeling is not just drugs–he has been undermotivated since puberty. He also has to contend with ADD.
I seem to be good at helping other people’s children. I need to help my own. I need to find a place to start.
Update: This has been hell. He also took ketamine. He’s into some serious shit.
ITK code for Singing The Sky:
Oh, Michelle–this is incredibly stressful. Ketamine, isn’t that another name for PCP? That’s a really bad trip. I don’t think going away anywhere is a good option for him right now. Portland especially, which is a wonderful place, but has a darker side too. Sky needs a place where he feels challenged (like college) but shouldn’t be all alone in a brand new place. Our older daughter has a very tough time making friends; it’s been heartbreaking. What programs or places are around you that could help him channel that intelligence? This parenting gig–what did we sign on for??
Oh Michelle!! I don’t have any words of wisdom. But you’re in my thoughts and prayers. Both of you.
*internet hugs*
Oh babe, I’m SO sorry to hear this … you know I know what you’re going through & yes, it is hell. Drugs are everywhere, but Portland is not a good choice (big drug culture, esp. heroin). I would suggest treatment again, but I also know from Ben’s experience that it’s likely to not work well unless he truly wants it. However, maybe it layers in some good information that will kick in at some point. Hard to say. Get help for youself though — you need the support. Sending you peace, love and deep felt prayers. xx, JP/deb
This is where I think our school system has failed so many of our kids, with its emphasis on core academic subjects at the expense of everything else. It used to me that high school was a place where kids could take different electives, on top of required courses, so that they could try to see where their interests were to help prepare them for the adult world. Now the goal is COLLEGE for everyone, if you like it or not.
So many of our kids are floundering because we have set them up for failure. It’s okay if Sky doesn’t want to do college now and he’s not a failure for not choosing it. My own son, as you know, is struggling with a lot of things and is “self medicating.” I’m on the verge of telling him to get his GED and then get a part-time job. I feel that once the pressure of the cookie cutter school system is out of the way, he might actually flourish because right now, he feels pressure to do something he totally and completely hates.
What does Sky really enjoy doing? Perhaps by talking to him about what he’s passionate about and steering him in that direction, he will realize he doesn’t need something on the outside to make him feel good. I would definitely talk to him about treatment and perhaps this was scary enough for him that he’ll commit to it. However, as we both know, he can only choose recovery if that’s something he wants.
big hugs to you and don’t beat yourself up to badly. All we can do is talk to our kids about our life experiences and make suggestions to them and listen to what they have to say. Unfortunately they will choose paths that we would rather they not go down.
Oh geez, Michelle! I am so sorry you are facing this. It is difficult to suggest anything constructive at this point. How does Sky feel about what he has done? Does he have any feelings of remorse? If he wants to change then private counseling therapy might be a possible route. I wish there was a magic pill that would increase maturity and the desire for longterm planning. Since there isn’t, it’s up to Sky to change. Keep up your spirits and know that you are doing all you can for him. Take care.
Holy crap! Jesus, I wish I had something more insightful to say than that, but as a parent of a teen, that is all I could think of.
Oh, hugs to you! Maybe some “scaffolding” might help - if he gets a pt job and pays “rent” to you, then eventually moves out. When he’s smarter about drugs. God keep you both safe!
Wow…I am so sorry you are going through this right now Michelle. Big hugs sent your way and you willbe in my thoughts and prayers. I don’t have any words of wisdom but your words hit home. My little brother sounds a lot like your Sky. if it helps, he finally get did get his act together, went to college at almost age 30 and now has a fantastic job. But it took his whole teenage and 20s to get his act together. I hope the same isn’t true for Sky. He sounds like he is on the verge of wanting to change, just doesn’t know how.