I’ve been working on the agor thing. I’ve been able to travel much further. Greg has been wanting to go to Houston. I didn’t think we were going to be able to go this weekend, because he had to work. His work got canceled at the last minute, though, and now he and Sage are going. I’m not going because I have this horrible, horrible PMS that is causing all kinds of anxiety and mood problems right now. It is not the right time, and I cannot help that.

I’m so disappointed that I can’t go. Or that it would be misery if I tried, or whatever. I’m TIRED of missing out on things with my family. I HATE not getting to see Sage experience new places.

When Greg told me they were going, I burst out crying. I’ll be spending the day by myself, probably having a pity party. He got mad at me for not being more gracious, and of course Sage is not thrilled about going without me. That is a shame, because they’ll be skating at the Galleria.

I don’t feel like a good human being right now.

Today, I saw a photo of me that was taken at work. I no longer look like Jabba the Hut. Apparently, I look like a normal human being. Go slow carb diet!

I have two students who are biding their time before they can legally drop out. These two, if not allowed to leave by the nurse, will deliberately act out and get sent home on a referral. Why, oh why, must we have mandatory education for children who don’t want it. And more importantly, whose parents don’t care for it either?

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before or not, but sometimes I think one of the best things that could ever happen to education in this country would be if it cost money and was not quite so easily attainable. I think as soon as people started feeling excluded from it, they would start demanding it. Education has zero value to many students. Why can’t we change that? We all know that people tend to value things more that they have had to invest in somehow.

My job is so weird. I have days (like yesterday) when I could just walk out of my classroom and never return, and then on other days, I feel like I have a purpose there. Kinda. It usually seems like my purpose is related to helping get kids out of the system one way or another. At the beginning of the year, I was actually teaching, and that was fun and refreshing. I still get a chance to do that now and then…

And I’m broke. I am not thinking about the economy. I have been thinking about which necklace looks the best with which shirt. Stuff like that. I’m deliberately cultivating shallowness. Thinking about other things snarls up my stomach.

Anybody remember Nina Hagan? I would put a link, but there’s hardly anything out there for the “mother of punk, so what the funk?” Perhaps I am getting the spelling wrong. 20 years later, I still get her songs stuck in my head. Anyway.

I wrote this post a week ago in the car. I have been traveling like crazy–only to the next town, but today we went 20 miles beyond that. Even better, I’ve driven the car myself. I’m also able to just “space out” when it comes to driving now. I’m not altogether over the agor, but it has certainly gotten better.

Another aside…it seems that the more conscious I get about what I put in my mouth, the more difficult it is to eat meat. Even fish. The idea of eating something with consciousness is repugnant. It is difficult to get this idea across without coming off as “holier than thou” or whatever. Greg is not thrilled with this change. I suppose I’d better get cracking at those vegetarian cookbooks…

Anyway, am still losing weight. Am having to buy new clothes. Cheap ones, because I’m not there yet…

And here’s last week’s post:

As far as the school thing goes, it’s better and it’s not. I see that my principal is very stressed out about this job, and it is helping me to have compassion. There’s another factor at play, without which, I probably wouldn’t even be stressing about the whole thing nearly as much.

For several years, I have heard the phrase, “numbing one’s emotions with food”. I’ve never known what that meant. Certainly, I ate when I was bored, stressed, etc., but I know a lot of people who do that, and I’ve never felt “numbed”.

The thing is, when I cut out the sugar, and by that I mean ALL sugar, I started to feel different. Just to clarify, I’ve cut out ALL refined foods, and even some unrefined ones that are high on the glycemic index (link), such as potatoes. It is like Sugarbuster’s all mixed in with a low glycemic diet. Slow carbs.

In the mornings, I don’t eat. Maybe around 10 o’clock I’ll have a hard-boiled egg or a handful of walnuts. At lunch, I’ll eat butter beans with greens and sausage. Dinner is maybe a bowl of whole grain cereal or some chicken with some veggies. I don’t eat anything unless my stomach is actually growling.

So, back to the whole numbing of feelings thing. Without grabbing refined carbs all of the time as some sort of false fuel for my body, I’ve got LOADS more energy. Almost all of it is positive. I’m singing and dancing around the house. I’m Miss Happy at work. I exercise, and look forward to it. I dress more stylish (easier with less weight). I’m sweeter to Greg.

When I have those happy feelings, I really feel them! Now here’s the downside. When I have sad feelings, I really feel them. It seems that the sad times run about 1 to 20 against the happy times, but it is weird to feel them–really feel them.

I’m also feeling other things I had forgotten about. Simple pleasures, like petting the cat, seeing that crazy wild blue color in the morning before the sun comes up…those things, they are really pleasureable now, where before they didn’t even make it my radar, to tell the truth.

I was on automatic.

Oh, and fwiw, I’m still not liking my job all that much. It doesn’t feel like a fit anymore. But, the economy scares me.

The thing is, the principal jumped my shit this morning over stuff I thought was really unfair. There’s some weird stuff going on that I don’t feel comfortable even writing about here, but I’ve seen this coming. I just want to quit. Right now.

I’ve been so fortunate not to have EVER had a boss who acted ugly to me since I was a 20 year old nanny in New York. When she did, I quit on the spot. I’ve always felt blessed when I’ve heard other people’s nightmare boss stories, because by and large, I’ve been spared. I’ve had a couple of losers, but nothing like this sort of disrespect.

I’m not one to just shut up and take it. I also find it difficult to change my entire personality, which is pretty much what I’d need to do to get along in this situation. My mother suggested becoming more of an ass-kisser, which is good advice, but advice that I am loathe to take.

Weird. Since my old principal quit, I’ve went from being an expert to being a meddler, from going above and beyond to “shirking my duty” and I’m doing the same things I did last year. Ah, perceptions.

I’m so frickin’ depressed. I want OUT.

Here are the rules: Grab the nearest book. Open the book to page 56. Find the fifth sentence. Post the text of the next two to five sentences in your journal/blog along with these instructions. Don’t dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST. Tag five other people to do the same.

So here ya go:

“His eyes, wen they caught his father’s, turned defiant. As if on its own, his hand shot up and in a single swift motion seized the gun.”

I cheated. The nearest book is the Cub Scout Handbook. The excerpt above is from A Patent Lie, the second nearest book.

Here’s what the Cub Scout Handbook has to say:

“A scout is obedient to the rules of his family, school, and troop. He obeys the laws of his community and country. If he thinks these rules and laws are unfair, he tries to have them changed in an orderly manner rather than disobeying them.”

So I wonder if Sage will ever join NORML.

If you want to do it, go for it!

One of the things about teaching writing that can be very frustrating is that some students have dysgraphia, which can really hinder their writing speed. What this means, is that while other students have written a three page essay, your dysgraphic student is still sitting there with four lines on his paper. Dysgraphia is such an aggravating disorder for the student. Most kids who have it are very smart, and it can be so frustrating for them when they cannot put their thoughts down on paper. Fortunately, if the student has 504 modifications, you can request that technological assistance be available. Oftentimes, this means that the student can type on the computer rather than write things out by hand.

However, most students, especially those who are in elementary and middle school, cannot type! So what the modification is really doing is creating a new problem in place of the old one. Fortunately, new technological advances are being made all the time. Take a look at an alternative.

I am going to suggest the
Dragon Naturally Speaking software for student writing modifications. With this software, the student can speak into a microphone and the words will appear on the screen. This way, typing speed is no longer an issue. Of course, there is always the issue of people being able to speak much faster than they can type, anyway. If you don’t believe it, go take
Dragon’s typing speed test!

The thing about this software is that it can take students who were lagging behind the rest of the class, and make it possible for them to be competitive with the rest of the class. After all, writing is about sentence structure and ideas. It is an awful thing for a student’s ideas to be suppressed because of a disability. With this software, they can quite literally find their writing voice.

If you’re wondering what other people think about this product, check out
Dragon Reviews. I’m really excited about this product. I can’t wait to get my district on board with this! I can see all sorts of educational applications that are beyond the scope of this post. Just imagine!

Why on earth is my face crooked? Man I hate photos of myself!

The thing is, especially if you’re a woman, the mechanics around here will take you for a ride if you let them. An air conditioning compressor could end up costing twice what it would on a site like Discount AC Parts. Not only do they carry auto ac parts at great prices, but they also offer FREE shipping! I love free shipping–and on heavy parts, that is a great deal!

The site is not limited to just a few models, either. You can find BMW or Mercedes AC compressors as well as a
Ford ac compressor.
Definitely a great site to go to if you are a do it yourself type of person, or if you simply prefer a better deal on the part you are going to take to your mechanic!

While we were talking about how the Israelites had pretty much relocated out of the area and then began to return in the 1800’s, one of the kids said, “So it’s like I got up out of my seat and then Jose sits there and I come back and say, ‘Hey, that’s my seat.’?”

That’s how it seems to me. I try my best not to express too many opinions so that the kids can form their own. That is HARD. At any rate, it’s fun teaching this group I have now.