Need Advice on the Sage Front…
Michelle on Dec 13 2007 at 1:12 am | Filed under: Uncategorized
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What do you do when a kid doesn’t fit in? This morning, Sage told me about how he hated the game “Heads Up, Seven Up”, because no one ever called on him. He told me that it makes him feel as though he doesn’t have any friends. After school today, he told me that some kids were being mean to him.
When we went to the Pajama Reading Night at school last week, I did notice that he has a difficult time engaging his peers. Sage can be in his own world sometimes. He wants to play, but often doesn’t approach other children in a way that they can relate to.
The friends that Sage plays with at home tend to be kids who are a bit “different” as well. I like these kids, but I wish that society as a whole liked them better. We all know what happens when kids don’t fit in. They feel badly about themselves. Their self-esteem suffers. Kids with low self-esteem are not known for making very good choices. I should know. I was a misfit too.
I wish I knew what to do for him. Sometimes, in my program, I get kids that I think would have been better off homeschooled, where their strengths could have been focused on. Sage is so social though, in spite of having difficulties in that area.
I just really don’t know what to do.
ITK code for Singing The Sky:
I can sympathize with everything you are saying. I was also a misfit growing up, being chosen last for most games and generally ignored when I wasn’t being picked on. At Sage’s age kids are like a pack of wolves. They go after anyone who acts the least bit independent or different. Now that I think of it, calling them wolves may be demeaning to our furry friends. What got me out of this bind was participating in plays, joining clubs I was interested in , and doing creative writing for the school publications. Find school activities that fits Sage’s personality and encourage him to get involved. It will do a world of good for his self esteem and begin to show others that he has special gifts that are valuable. If he can’t ‘join the group’, then the next best thing is to make his own group through his interests and talents. When I started a chess club I saw all of those misfits who reminded me of myself years ago. A couple of tournaments with publicity and these kids were being asked by others about their games. They really felt good about themselves. Sage needs this type of interaction. You probably have a good handle on his strengths so you can gently encourage him to pursue things that will enhance his school life. I hope these thoughts will help you in some small way to resolve this.
I don’t know what to do when an adult doesn’t fit in….
Are there any non-school groups he could join? Like a community soccer league or something that interests him? You may be able to help coach him too in ways to socialize with his peers - things to say to kids, etc. And anything to help build his confidence, because then the mean kids and meanness may bother him less. Unfortunately, he could be the most popular kid ever and the next few years may still be hard! Adolescence sucks! Good luck, mom!
It’s so tough…I do think Ken had some good ideas. I wasn’t “all that and a bag of chips” throughout school, either, but I had some strengths and interests (like writing and also playing in the band) and those things kept me grounded, sane, and provided a wealth of friendships as the years went by. Those interests and the friends I made through them, defined my self-esteem.
Finding ways to get him engaged with kids who share his interests and ideas is key. I don’t know where they could be found–clubs, activities, etc…Unique children do get punished in this world. Our older daughter is like that, even at 21. It’s hard to know how to help/advise.