Swimming Pools and Panic Attacks
Michelle on Jul 14 2007 at 12:42 am | Filed under: The Personal
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The summer before I moved back to East Texas, Sage had swimming lessons every day at the public pool. I had these awful anxiety attacks every time I went, and ended up doubling my benzos by the end of the summer. It got to where I hardly wanted to leave the house, I was so sick of them.
This summer has been very different. This is the summer of quitting benzos. The anxiety is almost all gone. Until today, that is. Today, we went to the public pool for the first time this summer. I immediately felt that familiar sensation of not being able to breathe, and wanting to leave. I forced myself to stick it out for an hour and a half with no Xanax. Finally, Sage was ready to leave. Walking to the car, I had chest pains and had to try and stop myself from hyperventilating. That was when I flashed back to my experience at the pool in Austin. It felt exactly the same.
At first, I had tried to write it off to feeling self-conscious in a bathing suit. The thing is, this year I have been swimming in public almost every day at the apartment’s small pool, and haven’t had one anxiety attack. I didn’t when I went to the gym’s private pool, which no one hardly ever uses, either. But at the city pool, where there are children in diapers and a hundred kids in there at any given moment?
It is the chlorine!
I really can’t believe it, but it is as clear as day. About a year ago, I went swimming with my mom at an indoor pool, felt really horrible and ended up with bronchitis. Today, it is only a sore throat–the anxiety went away within a half hour of being away from the pool. I thought some more about pools in Austin and realized that the times I had went to Barton Springs, which is a public pool of sorts that is not chlorinated, I never had panic attacks, even though I was still fat in a bathing suit. I really wish I had made the connection then!
When I looked this up online, my suspicions were confirmed. What was creepy was also seeing all of the search results that referred to using chlorine as a weapon or for crowd control. I even stumbled upon a site where a guy was chronicling his attempts to quit benzos while discussing working at a pool supply store. If the post hadn’t been dated two years ago, I would have told him to check into it.
So it turns out that something I have thought was all in my head was in this case and many others, caused by a chemical. You can bet I’ll be drinking bottled water now!
Another interesting thing I read a couple of weeks ago was how levels of carbon dioxide get higher than normal in airline cabins (and car interiors!), which can cause anxiety in individuals who are sensitive to it. I just have to wonder if this is what triggered the agor, as all of this started after an overseas flight and a 2000 mile drive. I do feel better when I get out of the car and get some fresh air.
So this feeling of wanting to “escape”–can it be that my body is trying to protect itself? Definitely weird. Maybe I’m not crazy after all.
The ‘fight or flight’ response can really get in the way of living sometimes. My suspicion is that it is a chemical imbalance in the brain’s primitive portion. It would have been wonderful for running away from angry guys in loincloths carrying clubs but not very helpful most of the time today.
Find out what is on the other side of the periodic table from Chlorine and try eating some of that.
Alternatively, try giving an electron to each Chlorine atom you encounter, then they will have full outer shells and be happy (but also negatively charged).
Wow, what a discovery. I heard a lot of pools use saline now instead of chlorine; they do at the YMCA here, which is way better for my hair and the life of my suit. I hope this helps you stretch some of your boundaries and feel less crazy.
I’m allergic to Latex, and painting causes panic attacks for me, too. Triggers my asthma, which is real–but the panic to just “leave” and the edgy feeling comes along with it. Glad you figured it out!!
Do you think the smell is linked to a memory?
Many pools are going away from the chlorine and going to at least part saline. Our YMCA is the same. I think that chemicals in things are the root of many of our ills. But it is so insidious that it’s hard to do anything about it.
who would have thought that chlorine could have this affect? However, I am a firm believer that much of what causes ADHD and ADD has a lot to do with what we now add to our foods, so I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise.
I like the idea of adding saline. Somehow it seems more natural and more eco-friendly.
(btw, I tagged you for a meme!)