Comments on: Little Lost Girl Whines

By: Wendy

Wendy — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 07:08:33 +0000

Damn, when did that kid get so big?!

By: Kamsin

Kamsin — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 19:51:44 +0000

Sage has the best smile! And glad you enjoyed the face transformer thingie! I think I was enjoying Self Portrait Challenge last month because I didn’t have to post anything that really looked like me, I think photography for me is seeing what I want to more than what is really there. Anyway, it is a challenge to look at yourself and not hide behind camera angles or photoshop!
As for all the other stuff, I guess I have been lucky in my Mum, that she accepts her children for who they are, and is more than happy to cover her blog in photos of her kids and grandkid! But she lived her whole life wanting her mother’s approval, and in perverse manner she has finally got it now my grandmother is totally senile and dependent on my Mum in a really childlike way, so in some warped way my Mum is finally fulfilling her role as a daughter. Which is just as messed up. So I guess my point would be to make sure your boys know how much you think of them. I’ve always been blessed in knowing I didn’t have to prove myself to my parents (not that my Dad in particular hasn’t given me other issues to deal with). Anyway, the comment about the beach made me laugh, so easy to live the life you want in your online persona I guess, which makes you that little bit above him in that I always feel like I get the real you here on your blog, so thanks for being honest!

By: Margaret

Margaret — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 18:12:18 +0000

I love Sage’s uniform and his beaming face! Parents are very complicated; my folks don’t want to hear anything negative about my life or children, only the positive. It makes especially my mom very uncomfortable. I think she has always wanted to fix things and whatever she can’t, she’d like to sweep under the carpet. A generational thing? I can understand how you feel–but you are making a great life for yourself. No one’s life is perfect or even close. (obviously your dad is trying to remake his into that–or pretend that he doesn’t go gambling all the time) It would be funny, if it weren’t so sad.

By: Tonya

Tonya — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 05:41:40 +0000

P.S. Sage looks absolutely adorable (I mean MANLY) in that baseball uniform!

By: Tonya

Tonya — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 05:40:31 +0000

I think many men identify who they are with what they do, especially in our parents’ generation. (And maybe still, at least somewhat). Sounds like your dad is the epitome of that mind-set.

Isn’t it weird how we can be complete adults, have been for a while, have lived the intense ups and downs of the adult world, and still feel the need to have the approval of our parents? I dealt with that with my mom, who was very domineering and controlling. She lived vicariously through me and since she never embraced motherhood herself, she basically came unglued when I made the decision to get pregnant at the age of 29. You would have thought I was 15, she was so aghast and so disapproving. In the course of counseling in my mid-30s in the aftermath of an ugly divorce, the impact of my mother’s influence over me emerged as a defining element. I was advised to write her a letter expressing absolutely everything — and I did. It was over 30 pages long! Typewritten! But I never sent it (which was also part of the advice). Just getting it out there, in perspective, with all the intense RAGE….put it to bed for me. I stopped sharing every minute detail of my life with her, kept things to myself, took control over my own life, and stopped allowing her any ammunition. I also read an excellent book called “The Dance of Anger”. It’s amazing what controlling people will stoop to in order to try to keep controlling. Once that “dance” had taken its last spin, my mom and I got along really well — on MY terms! (And she ended up being a total, loving, basketcase about her grandson).

By: Wende

Wende — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 19:50:23 +0000

I don’t know why, but there is something about that demographic with academics that completely ignore mentioning their family life or even talking about it. It’s a very crazy notion that is pervasive with that set.

However, that doesn’t take the sting away, does it? Your parents sound familiar, in many ways! It took me so long to realize, that my definition of success wasn’t my parent’s and that they resented me for it. It’s fueled a lot of tears and conversations with my younger (and favored) brother. My parents had such a hard time when I stopped pursuing an academic career because it left them bereft of an identity for meWhat I’ve come to, if only tenously with regards to my parents, is that I don’t choose to define myself by what I “do” or with any label. . When I became a mother they latched onto that label and now that’s the only way they can see me. However, I don’t view the world that way! I’m not a “Christian” or a “mother” or an “Academic”. Instead, I see those labels as avenues to becoming my best self. These avenues aren’t definitions of myself, but tools and experiences to make me who I am becoming. I refuse to be hemmed in with a definition. Sure, I’m changed drastically by those experienced… but they aren’t ME! Not in a “my work is who I am” kind of way. And I think those people out there who identify so deeply with any one thing, have a hard time finding a way to see past that bias. It’s my parents’ loss that they only see one aspect of my life. This grieves me, but I’m not about to be reduced to their paradigm of being in the world…I fought too hard to be free.

So… hold the faith, Michelle. It hurts like hell to come to a voice that isn’t always appreciated by those you wish could hear it! But, it’s worthwhile, as I suspect you already know.

As for Sage! ROCK ON KID!

By: Pacian

Pacian — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 15:52:38 +0000

Hmm. I may have a crack at the face changing doodad…

By: ken

ken — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 14:31:41 +0000

Bloglines stopped showing me your posts, so I thought you had stopped posting. Stupid Blogines.

It looks like you’ve made the big time - you’re getting unsolicited advice from insensitive morons. Congratulations!

By: JanePoe (aka Deborah)

JanePoe (aka Deborah) — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 01:36:43 +0000

I’ve had the same issue with my mother … and finally have given up on seeking the approval or having the kind of relationship I would have hoped to have had with my mom. But you know what? I can give my kids what I wasn’t given & that’s pretty damn great! As far a multiple marriages, I’m on my third and feelin’ it’s a charm!

Try not to get down on yourself babe. I also bought the You on a Diet book but it’s been sitting on the bookshelf unopened for months! I think I’m prefering Me Not on a Diet.

By the way, my daughter looked over my shoulder while I was perusing your blog and she thought Sage looks cute!

Thanks for the link to the Face Transformer - what fun! Hugs, JP

By: Ken Albin

Ken Albin — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 23:32:36 +0000

Your feelings about your dad bring back some feelings I had about my own dysfunctional family relationships while growing up. Mom and dad are both gone now and I guess the good memories outweigh the bad. They do leave scars by some of the things they do, don’t they? I’m sorry you have your own scars to carry, but you also have a lot to be thankful for such as Sage. I guess we can only live our own lives but knowing that doesn’t make it easier to ignore it when parents don’t appreciate us. I would say ‘ignore it’, Michelle, but that’s too trite and simplistic of an answer. Hopefully just talking about it helped you to get some of the feelings out.

As for the anonymous ‘get help’ person, they sound like someone who believes that MySpace is a center for cultural enhancement. Possibly a future Darwin Award recipient?

Congrats to Sage for his win and shiner!

I think I like the original photo of you much better. *grin*