Where’s The Love?
Michelle on Mar 07 2007 at 2:36 am | Filed under: The Political, The Teaching
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This morning, after I pressed the snooze button on the alarm, I lay in bed meditating on why no one has attempted to send our beloved president to an early grave. I spent ten minutes thinking about it, and finally decided that people are too afraid of Cheney. I also pondered whether or not anyone who attempted such a thing would be doing a moral thing or not. Undecided, I got out of bed and made breakfast for my ever-hungry kiddo.
The day got better in the sense that I am no longer imagining bombing Junior League ladies. I still think it would be funny to see the look on one of their faces if I asked them to “take it outside”, but overall, my attitude has chilled a bit.
Although, not as much as I would like. Today, a kid took a drink of my soda when I had my back turned. For all I knew, he spit in it. The only reason I found out was because another kid wrote me a note saying that I should know about it, “for my own safety.” It touched my heart that the kid wrote me the note. It touched the primitive killing part of my brain that the kid messed with my soda. I wrote him up, and he was suspended for three days. I told the principal that if he breathed wrong, she could expect additional referrals. She will transfer him to another room. This is best for both the kid and me, I’m sure.
I have been asking myself, “Where is the kind loving part of me?” I came to the conclusion that I left it at church a couple of weeks ago. They had a visiting preacher, who spent most of the time talking about hell. He told us it was our responsibility if someone went to hell because we had not told that person about God. The whole thing made me start thinking about children, and how these people really believe that if their kid dies and has not become a Christian, that their kid will suffer untold agony for eternity. The same thing applies if someone that you love has already died and was not a Christian. This is very cruel, I believe.
This sort of thinking makes me livid. It is a mindfuck of the highest order. I grew up with it, and I will not have it in my life again. I must protect Sage from it. I got into an argument with a woman at church over the whole thing, with her basically trying to convince me that I’d better believe in it all. I guess we were both shaking up each other’s worldviews a bit.
The irony of the whole thing is that in my desire to defend my belief that God is a loving God, and that I should focus on living a life that is focused, yes, on what Jesus would do–ie: show love to others, help the poor, visit the sick and imprisoned, etc.; I have instead become so angry and hateful that I am in my own private hell at the moment. This stuff simply brings back too much fear from my childhood, during which I was taught the same stuff.
So, I have been hating the elites and waking up wondering why the president is still alive. I need to go and buy myself some flowers, and then go and join up with the Methodists.
ITK code for Singing The Sky:
It’s funny how the things we learned growing up sometimes come back to haunt us later in life. As far as joining the Methodists, I wouldn’t advise it. They are too similar to Baptists, and I grew up in a Baptist church where the pastor wouldn’t let us (youth choir) play “The Little Drummer Boy” at Christmas because there was no little drummer boy in the Bible. Go figure.
I think you treated that student with a lot more respect than he treated you. Sometimes learning a life lesson may be more important for a student than receiving unconditional love. Even Jesus could be a tough guy when he needed to be.
I really try to keep a sunny outlook about life and about other people. The fact that I am usually able to do it I attribute mostly to luck…
We all get grouchy and angry at times. We’re only human.
(Except me. I’m perfect.)
As a Methodist, hanging with Episcopalians, either group will work. (Although, Methodist vary by region as to their conservative nature, and Texas is hardly a hotbed for liberal thinking!). But, anything is probably better than what you’re subjecting yourself to.
Trust your gut. And I’m glad you’re looking for where the love it in your life. Hate is a filter we can choose to remove. Doesn’t make it easy, though. Like any filter, the longer we leave it on the more we see through it–until there is nothing but hate or her sister fear or her cousin bigotry. And love works the same way–when we wear it. It colors our world–doesn’t erase the personal hells we live in. But it changes the way we perceive them. I hoping for love color in your world, Michelle.
I grew up an Episcopalian and they tend not to be very fundamentalist or bible literalists. But I don’t know about Texas, since I’m in WA. I agree with you completely on the religion AND the soda. GROSS!