Screaming Teacher
Michelle on Feb 24 2007 at 12:20 am | Filed under: The Teaching
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That would be me. One thing that I am proud of is that I never, ever, yell at my students. I believe it is really important to model respect, since I may be one of the few people they encounter who does this. Today, I broke my own code, and it hurt.
The day had gotten off to a rough start. Sage had had a bad nightmare in the night that I believe was related to the divorce. I checked my email and read an icky one from Stubeh, which was accusatory and sarcastic. There was some truth in it, which made it even more hurtful. And, there were things that weren’t true. Then, already ten minutes late to work, I saw that the front tire looked very low. The air pressure didn’t register, and we had to search for a gas station that had a working tire-filler-upper thingy.
By the time I dropped Sky off, I was forty minutes late to work and Sage was late to school. My boss had to do my outside duty for me. I have a thing about being late, too.
So, when the student began giving me a hard time about this, that and the other thing, I just lost it. Although I didn’t say “shut up” or anything like that, I did basically tell him to be quiet right this second or he’d get a referral. I said it in a loud, mean voice too. Everyone was very quiet after that. I wondered what the student who had just entered my class that day thought. I felt my eyes tear up, and I called for one of our aides to cover my class.
Then I proceeded to bawl all of the make-up off of my face for a good twenty minutes. I talked with a friend of mine, who said, “Don’t worry, these kids are used to being yelled at!” That made me feel even worse, actually. That is the main reason why I don’t want to yell.
Anyway, I realized that I hadn’t had a good cry since Sky’s arrest three months ago, and it was probably about time, what with the divorce, move and endless running around and dealings with the psycho probation officer. I just wish that I hadn’t yelled at that kid first. And yes, I did apologise.
Well, imagine that! You are a human being with feelings. I know you want to always be in control of your emotions when dealing with students but the truth is that teachers are not robots. Losing control is not a good thing but it happens to all of us at one time or another. All we can do is to strive to do better, to handle things professionally next time. Showing emotion once in a great while just might remind some of the students that they are dealing with a human being with feelings just like them. Give yourself permission once in a blue moon to demonstrate you are human too.
I agree with Ken. When I was a student (many moons ago!), I remember viewing my teachers as nothing-but-teachers. I never considered that they had home lives, maybe bowled on a league on Tuesday nights, or had bad days. You may have opened a door to the eye-opening possibility of empathy! Also, being given a hard time about being late may well mean that you were definitely missed!
Again, my dear, don’t be so hard on yourself.
P.S. I absolutely LOVE that picture! Oh. My. God.
I absolutely understand how you feel, and yet it is IMPORTANT for the kids to see us as human. It’s vital that they realize that we make mistakes too, have stresses, and bad crap going on–but do the best we can. That is the role model they need, not a “perfect” person who doesn’t raise his/her voice. You are an A+ teacher and person in my book, Michelle!
I agree that it’s completely understandable that you can lose it just like any other human being. But it takes someone very strong and special to be able to own up to that after the fact and admit that it was not the right thing to do. So many people will not ever admit to a mistake, and that’s just wrong.
^As above.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Be proud of your commitment to be respectful, but remember that you’re still human. And also remember that you are seven shades of lovely. No, eight!
You are entitled to blow off a bit of steam now and then, though the school board probably frowns on it…who cares.
Sheesh…it looks like I’ve missed a lot in the last months. I’m so sorry to hear about Sky, and although I was arrested a lot, I haven’t had to deal with the emotional fall-out that is a parent’s nightmare. I feel for you, and for Sky, and I hope that whatever the cause was, things are beginning to turn around for both of you.
My mother has been in teaching for 20 years, a fourth grade teacher, VP, a Principal, and now, after “retiring” the director of ASP at Hope’s school. She has lost it a few times over the years, she says the kids always know when there’s about to be a blow-out because she grits her teeth. I think it shows remarkable strength of character that this only happens to you infrequently and a sensitive, introspective side that allows you to question what happened and why, when so many others would forget it in an instant. You’re the best kind of teacher out there, one who acknowledges and learns from her mistakes. I have to do the same with Hope on the occasions I lose it with her!!!
I’m glad you’re not the yelling kind. It is hard when all the frustrations of life build up and you spill over. I think you are probably one of the few people to apologize to that student - maybe that made an impression. I yell sometimes, but not harshly. The times I have had to go beserk were at that hell middle two years ago; also, at the two problem kids I have this year - the one with adhd that will soon be in self-contained and the one that just got sent home, on his way to expulsion. That’s usually how I know all my sweetness and kindness just isn’t getting through to them, and they have really affected me.