The Power of Paper
Michelle on Jan 31 2007 at 12:23 am | Filed under: The Personal
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So it turns out that Pell Grants are a cause of divorce. I was filling out Sky’s paperwork for college next fall, and ran into some problems. When I called the support line, I was told that I had to put down Sky’s stepfather’s income on the form. I explained that we were separated. They said that unless the separation was legal, as in divorce, that I still had to report the income. However, doing so would increase our EFC, expected family contribution, and lessen the amount of the Pell Grant.
I called Husband, and explained the situation. He is not particularly interested in paying the difference in college costs, and perhaps not able to, so he told me to go ahead and file for divorce. I expressed concern that he would not be eligible for my insurance plan next year if we were divorced. He said he didn’t care. I suppose he doesn’t, since he didn’t get on my plan this year, since it costs an extra $250 for a spouse. Now he has this chronic fatigue thing going on and his parents are footing the bills. Sometimes.
I feel guilty about the whole “For better and for worse” thing. The “worse” part of it negatively affects my kids. Husband and I have been married for three and a half years. At this point, being separated anyway, I feel that I just need to get my own house in order. The banker who talked to me about a home loan recommended divorce. Husband will not go with me to foster care classes, which he would be required to do if we were still married, so in order to foster, I will have to get a divorce. My parents have been pushing for a divorce for months now. It seems that the whole world is yelling, “Divorce!”. Sigh.
He met me at my bank yesterday to sign the Waiver of Citation. The notary public, upon seeing him and the papers, shook her head sadly and nervously shifted in her chair. I felt stupid and awkward. Husband didn’t really say anything to me and looked like he was on heroin. Leaving, I shook off the weirdness, hightailed it to the courthouse and paid the $202 dollars it costs in Texas to get a no-fault, no children/no property divorce if you do it yourself. Divorce is the ultimate DIY. Typing divorce papers yourself really gets the point across, somehow. Did you know that there is a section that looks like this:
12. Prayer
Petitioner prays:
That the Court grant a divorce and decree such other relief as more specifically requested in this pleading.
It is odd–not only would this seemingly piss off individuals who are not religious–separation of church and state and all that, but it also may very well aggrevate people who do not want to “pray” to a court. It is interesting how our legal language is set up so that citizens address the capital letter Court as though it and the Judge are God. I digress.
I was happy with the status quo. Now that papers are filed, things feel weird. I don’t know what to do about it besides not get sucked into either my feelings or his and just go on about my business. I don’t think the status quo will continue–the occasional good times of Husband coming over to take Sage out to breakfast and Sky to my parent’s house so that I can have extra time to get ready. The meals that I cook for him. And what about Valentine’s Day? One day at a time…
ITK code for Singing The Sky:
Man, that sucks.
In the same vein, but the entirely opposite side… I read the other day that many couples can’t afford to get divorces nowadays, and so they continue to live together and pay bills together, etc. But they’re nothing more than friends, best case scenario.
The way of the world sure has changed, huh?
It doesn’t sound like you were ready for this, but the circumstances dictated otherwise. And maybe that was a good thing; it’s hard (impossible) to know. This could help everyone to move on. But it’s still very hard.
This is sad. In order to open doors, you were basically forced to close this one. Those open doors may allow some fresh air in your life, though.
Not sure what to think of this. It seems sad that you were basically forced into it by state regulations. Then I remembered that God is above all this. Yes, man makes a mess and God doesn’t necessarily put it together again but he does carry on painting and comes up with a whole new picture.
I understand my dear M … having been down that path before, it is a huge transition. But it does seem that the Universe and soon-to-be-Ex-husband (hereinafter referred to as STBEH or Stubeh) is affirming the divorce path. I do believe that when a door closes, a window shall open … and there will be many good thing to come after you and Stubeh make the final break. Have faith
Love and peaceful wishes to you dear M. Thinking of you … JP
What windows are closing exactly? The state doesn’t define what your heart feels. You have the relationship that you have with this man, regardless of the way that that relationship is registered bureaucratically. Figure it out for yourself, Michelle, and don’t let purely symbolic actions change your mind either way.
Anyhoo, Websters defines ‘pray’ as meaning:
“S: (v) pray (address a deity, a prophet, a saint or an object of worship; say a prayer) “pray to the Lord”
S: (v) beg, implore, pray (call upon in supplication; entreat) “I beg you to stop!”"
I think it’s more the case that ‘pray’ is a slightly anachronisitic term, so only religion and law still use it. We tend to think of praying to God as different from calling on a court in supplication, but the difference is in the one we’re speaking to, not so much in what we’re doing - at least grammatically.
Well, for some of us, the paper isn’t necessary for the commitment… So maybe the divorce paper doesn’t mean the end of everything…
Keeping busy seems to be working (and non-working in ways) with me lately. Good luck, sweetie.
Michelle,
All I can say is that I am truly sorry that you are having to go through all of this. I know it is rough but you have the strength to get through it ok. Things will get better with time.
Bureaucracy is weird sometimes. I say get the divorce. It is really just a technical thing. You can always live together later whether you are legally married or not.
Oh, Michelle. I am so sorry that this is happening and happening this way. I’m holding good thoughts for you as you walk through this part of the journey.