Worthless
Michelle on Jan 26 2007 at 11:55 pm | Filed under: The Teaching
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I don’t know him. He has been to class three times and has done nothing but sleep each time. Today, I felt fed up with his refusal to do anything but warm the chair. The principal tried talking to him, but also got no response, and so she told him she would be calling his probation officer. He finally spoke and said, “Wake me up when he gets here.”
The end of the school day came, and he was asleep again. I asked the principal what to do, as the probation officer had never shown up, and he was completely out of compliance with the program. She told me about her efforts to contact his parent during the day, and how his mother had kicked him out and he was now living with an uncle who didn’t want him and was trying to get him out of the house. No one knew who would be picking him up. I woke him up and asked him. He said he was walking. He left.
This huge word, WORTHLESS, just slammed into my head as the kid walked past me. He looked so beat down, exhibiting an utter disregard for the world around him. Just existing. I felt his feeling of not being wanted, of being looked at as a slow learner, a troublemaker, a chairwarmer…. as being worthless. I felt like I was him for a few seconds and it nearly knocked me to the floor.
At that exact moment, I saw him as a completely different person. Instead of a surly gang member, I saw an unwanted child. I saw a sad teenager. A lost childhood. I saw a human being with so much worth, whose life is being wasted. I thought about the child soldiers in Liberia and Sierra Leone who we read about in the media and feel sorry for. Surely this kid is just as deserving of our compassion. I am sorry to say that I had not felt that compassion until that moment, at least not as much as he deserves. I am thankful to have had that moment.
I wish I could fix things.
ITK code for Singing The Sky:
Wow. That’s a very visceral post. I was there. Makes me livid. I hope you get through. I don’t know if this is pathetic or not, but maybe you could give him a pen and a notebook. One of those blank brown-boards. Just hand it to him. He may never show it to you, but he’ll start filling it up.
It is my sincere belief that stuff like this can be cleared up somewhat by establishing his role in a larger story. I am, at my core, a storyteller and I reduce everything to “story” so you can assume I am proselytizing here and I don’t apologize for it. I’m a zealot. Story heals.
Oof. See, this is why I couldn’t handle your job. You are able to see past things in people, to look beyond first judgments, and then do your best to help them. If I ever got past my judgment of them, I would be so floored by their situation that I wouldn’t know what to do. You try, in your work, every day. That amazes me about you.
I think this just about sums up what you are doing for these kids:
“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ (Matthew 25.34-36)
I have been in that position too, to a lesser degree. And I don’t know if our students or our real children understand how fortunate they are to not be in those circumstances.
Oh, I’m with Margaret. I know my kid has no idea. And on one hand that’s exactly as it should be… but there are times when I wish he knew how hard other people strive to just “be”. Hang in there Michelle, and good self-care! m’kay?
A nice demonstration of the power of empathy, methinks.
It’s painful to see - and feel - the pain of another. You’ve been given an insight … you may not “fix” things, but keep your mind, heart and soul open to what might make a difference for this young fellow. (Keep in mind the book experience you just blogged about). Much peace & love, JP
I think it’s those moments when we see people the way Jesus does and our hearts bleed just as His does for the people this world has rejected. It doesn’t seem to help to have this insight though, as we are pretty much powerless to make much of a change. Not that I am claiming to have that kind of insight. And of course that kid isn’t worthless, Jesus paid exactly the same price for him as He did for you and I.
This is exactly why you are there. You may be one of the few or only adults that humanize these children. You’re awesome and I wish you luck in trying to help these kids.
Even after the sh*tball life has thrown me, one of the strongest instincts I have right now is to help people. Maybe it’s my nurturing instinct that has nowhere to go… other than to R and the chis… I’m looking into either working with homeless children in a ‘transitional’ house or helping refugees/immigrants with literacy and integrating/dealing with US society. Both sound like great opportunities. Giving to others right now might do my soul some good.
The sad thing is that this kid doesn’t know how to love because he was never loved. And because he hasn’t learned how to love, he will have problems and cause problems all his life.
Wow. That’s so sad.
I can’t remember reading a post that so cleanly, accurately and with compassion, summed up an experience. It certainly speaks to me- the number of times I felt this way working with court referred adolescents over 30 plus years- well, you nailed it. And Margaret and Wende are right- how blessed are our children?
As a teacher I know that one of the hardest things to do is to admit that some things are beyond our control. We can only do so much. As sad as it is, the rest is out of our hands.