No Destination
Susan thinks of agoraphobia as a black hole of sorts, something that exists within her own house, sucking her toward it, not releasing her into the universe. The black hole is a comfort. She exists quite comfortably in its vacumn.
For months, she has been working with her phone-based counselor to get out of the house. She is making progress. Just last month she was able to walk past her driveway by herself. The therapist is pleased with the progress she is making. Each day, she makes it a point to walk her frustrated dog just a little further away from the house.
The social worker stops by every week to see if she is doing okay. Does she have enough groceries? Yes, her mother takes care of that for her, thank you, though. She works online as a writer. It pays a little bit. She lies to her doctor about how much Xanax she needs. She takes half of what he gives her, and sells the rest to a neighbor, who kindly comes over and picks it up himself. The bills are paid. She loves automatic bill pay. Drugstore.com is a godsend. She thinks that if it wasn’t for the unfathomable desire to be normal, she has it made.
Until the police came. When they clapped the bracelet around her ankle and told her not to go 50 feet beyond her house for six months, she laughed. Freedom! A welcome rest from the exhausting forays into the neighborhood.
**Strangely enough, based on real life. My son is on house arrest, which seriously limits my forays into the country in my constant fight against the beast I call agoraphobia. But yet, I am not responsible now for not working on that particular issue as often as I usually do. I have to stay home and supervise my son except on very rare occasions. Life is strange.
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I know that feeling. The worst kind of ‘freedom’, but all I want sometimes.
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Michelle, I was fascinated by the story as you unfolded it to us. I was cheering Susan on for her bravery. Then I read that it is real. Stuptifing. I did not see it coming. Know that I’m cheering YOU on. Happy New Year and a wish for a walk around the block.
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Wow!! What a fascinating – and sad – story! Wishing you and yours a happy and healthy 2007!
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Nice how you tied in Susan to you; you understand how a character like her would feel. And I need to enjoy the NOW also, as you already know. I tend to be my own worst enemy.
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I wish you much happiness.
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Most people can’t relate to agoraphobia. It just seems strange to them. That is ironic, because most people have phobias of one sort or another. I think the most common are heights and elevators and airplanes.
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Interesting bit of synchronicity there … are the coincidences reasons or simply random acts? Maybe the universes way of giving one a break, of sorts. But then again, the reason for the break can cause issues and anxieties as well.
Ah, life is more complicated than simple!
hugs,
JP