I’ve Been Thinking…
Michelle on Dec 14 2006 at 2:56 am | Filed under: The Teaching
Who, Exactly, Have I Become?
Yesterday’s incident with Kiddo being taken out of the room by the officer really made me think about my own complicity in this system. Who, exactly, have I become during the many years working with cops, probation officers and hardcore disciplinary teachers?
Yesterday scared me. I wasn’t going to let Kiddo go to the restroom because it might screw up the drug test or give him the opportunity to flush something. An aide, who was passing through the room at the time, who has seen more than her fair share of young people locked up on drug offenses, disagreed with me. If it hadn’t been for her input at that time, I would have been all hardcore and not let him go, leaving him helpless against what are unreasonable consequences.
By the way, Kiddo didn’t come to school today. It is the first day he has missed all year.
Another kid got suspended today because he was disrespectful to me. He came into my room saying something, and I asked him what he said. He replied, “Did you hear your name mentioned? Because I sure didn’t.”
I told the kid that he did not need to be speaking to other students in the room, and he continued mouthing. I asked him to leave, he left, and I called the director and told her about the situation. Three days out of school. I have power. If someone speaks to me disrespectfully, they can be suspended.
Where do I draw the line? We need to have high expectations of these kids, certainly. At least high enough for them not to come to school high or disrespect teachers. When is it abuse of power, when is it being too “liberal”? I do not want to become one of the people who perpetuate abuse of power.
Where Has the Joy Gone?
Another thing I’ve noticed in past years is that more and more teachers are unhappy. It is rare to read a teacher’s blog where he or she describes a lesson that worked well with the students, or any other circumstance that made for a really wonderful day in education. It is equally rare to encounter such individuals in the school system. In my school, I hear the kids called “retarded worthless pieces of shit” and way worse every day by team members after the students have left. When I accentuate the positive attributes of the students, they laugh. Yes, the principal knows about it.
I used to be chock-full of ideas for teaching. Now I feel like a drone.
“Sit down.”
“Pick your head up.”
“Do your work.”
Etc.
Even when I wasn’t teaching in the prisonlike environment of an alternative school, it was all about standardized testing and undermining, stressed-out administration. Oh yeah, and disrespectful students who have little work ethic. And SDAA scores. And mean parents. I swear, ten years ago, it was not like this. The question is, is it like this now because it just is, or because my perceptions have changed?
I No Longer Want To Be Part of the System
What do I do next? I love teaching, but I get to do very little of it. I crave the passion for work that I had when I began, and found once again teaching adult ESL in Big City. I know I still have it in me. My parents think I should teach at the university level. Teach what? Classes in education? I’d advise everyone to exit the program immediately.
Seriously….counseling? I’m good at running theraputic groups, even if I can’t spell that word. Real estate? My own business? Doing what?
Just some thoughts.
If teaching is your passion, try to find something to teach at the college level. Yes, the kids are meaner, and so are the parents. It is not just your perception. I want out too, and that is a very sad admission.
What a sad commentary on the educational system and how it’s wearing down good educators like yourself … and no wonder, when we’re asking teachers to now be social workers, police officers, counselors, etc. And your questions about what is changing, what is happening to the quality of society? Why the last ten years? Why the rise in school and workplace violence? How do we chart a new course for societal expectations, reduction of violence and increase in the quality of life? What will these young people grow into?
So many things to think about …
On a lighter note, thank you for the comments on my blog! Yes, we must be around the same age – I’m forty – too funny about the “Baby Alive!”
Much peace,
JP
Oh my…this scares me into wanting to home school my children when they get old enough to attend! I can only imagine what it will be like when they are teenagers if it is this bad now. I don’t get our society. We are supposed to be the most powerful nation and yet we let things like this happen in all our education systems. I honestly think we have lost so many of our values over the last 30 years or so and now people of my generation and the one before that have teenagers are paying the price. I won’t go there though…just my thoughts. We want what we want and who cares who or what gets in our way. Okay…off soapbox now…promise.
I so hear you about the state of education! In theory I’m teaching at the university level, although it’s really more like High School, but I feel like I’m fighting half the time to get the kids to listen and learn, and these are basically “good” kids from good wealthy backgrounds, so I can only imagine what it is like with your kids! Lack of respect for teaching as a profession seems to be part of the problem, and the fact that you give so much of yourself when you teach and seem to get so little in return. I hope you are able to rediscover your passion, and feel a sense of worth in what you are doing.
I need to get out of my own system too. But when I think about that I sometimes think about teaching. College-level, not (god forbid) grade school. You have earned many hundreds of karma points for teaching as long as you have.
Here’s what we do: we write wildly popular novels and sell them to Hollywood. KR keeps telling me to “write the next Cold Mountain” and I say, “Okay,” and go back to watching America’s Funniest Videos.
I think the system started breaking down many years ago, caused by misguided people with good intentions. People who didn’t really understand human nature but thought they did.
That makes your job much harder, and less fun. I think teachers just have to focus on helping those who are ready to accept their help, and not let the others frustrate them too much. I guess that may be easier said than done.
I too hear your doubt and your frustration loud and clear. I sometimes wonder if making kids go to school is really doing them a favour, certainly those who don’t want to be there. Forcing them is counter-productive in my opinion. I’ve had several adults in English classes tell me, they did English at school but were never interested. Now they realise they need to learn it and are motivated. That’s how it should be. But forcing people is not motivational.
I do understand how making school obligatory arose. People wanted to give everyone a chance to get a good education, and that’s laudable, especially in a context where the poor, or girls, etc. didn’t have any opportunities like this. But today I have to ask if it’s working.
Just one more thought on what you said about high standards. I think it’s important to expect high standards from your kids, because you expect things from them and for them. That has to be behind all teaching. I suspect it’s because some of your colleagues have lost these high standards that they are saying things like “retarded worthless pieces of shit” about the students.
I am troubled by the climate of education in the public schools these days. I feel so sorry for teachers who have the passion to do a great job but are cut off at the knees by that toxic climate — be it administrations, the mean parents, or the students themselves. But I wouldn’t beat myself up for being “tough” in your situation, because sometimes “tough love” is called for. Consequences are important for disrespectful behavior — and criminal behavior. If kids are going to learn anything from poor choices, it might well be as a result of those consequences. (Some will).
Who needs an education? Does the president seem educated to you?
Knowledge is worthless in modern western society. Some people are born to do menial work, and others to profit from it. It doesn’t take much schooling to fulfill either role.
I think that creating a society where learning and knowledge were valued rather than looked down upon would go a long way to making schools less rubbish.
Oftentimes, I post on my own blog because it’s a place to vent my frustrations. Even when I try to share what I’m feeling with my husband, he doesn’t get it, even though he tries. This year, I’ve had more positive interactions with parents than any other year that I’ve taught. Of course, when we feel good about something, we don’t dwell on it because we don’t need to “fix” anything.
When I post about a troubling incident, I’m looking for answers and I usually get much more feedback on my venting posts than those that are positive. I just don’t think reading blogs from teachers is an accurate reflection on how many of us feel about teaching. If I had more bad days than good, I wouldn’t stick with it.
Hang in there – you are making a difference, even if you may not realize it at this moment!