In The Last Hour
Michelle on Dec 02 2006 at 11:44 pm | Filed under: The Personal
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In the last hour, I heard something that made me grit my teeth and say a few unpleasant words within the hearing of Younger Son, which was not good.
I had to call Older Son’s father in order to get information for Older Son’s probation officer. Older Son’s father refused to give out his social security number (which I can get anyway if I want), which made me laugh, because my parents wouldn’t give Officer their’s either. Everyone is such a libertarian. However, that is where the laughing ended.
When I suggested that Older Son’s father pitch in for the expense of counseling, Older Son’s father mentioned that Older Son owed him money already. I asked, “For what?!”
Calmly, he told me that since he had decided not to pay child support and I had forced the issue by asking the court to pay it, he was going to make Older Son pay the child support back himself. Oh, and I shouldn’t worry, since I am getting my money.
What does one do in a situation like this? I resisted the urge to throw things, use unusually foul language or even scream at Older Son’s father, which I am proud of. Instead, I asked him why he would do such a thing to his child.
“Well, when he decided that he was old enough to get a girl pregnant, I told him that he was an adult and that I would not be paying any more child support for him after he moved back to your house. When you decided to force the issue by taking it to court, I decided that he is going to pay me back.”
I pointed out that Older Son did not in fact make anyone pregnant, and had been played by a teenage girl when he was 15. This is not to excuse Older Son’s behavior, but I did point out that some adolescents make these choices, which demonstrates their immaturity, not their ability to enter adulthood.
My argument made no difference. He simply stated that he disagreed with me. I told him that what he was asking Older Son to do was wrong. I told him that to ask Older Son to pay him back child support would be like asking him to pay for his love and acceptance. Older Son’s father doesn’t see it that way.
So, I have a little more insight into Older Son’s problems. I will email his counselor and make her aware of this situation. I have already made it crystal clear to Older Son that he is under no such obligation. This is a horrible thing, this splitting of parents. I asked Older Son’s father, “What happened to you? Why are you this way now? You used to be a happy person, and you have changed so much. Do you see it?”
He responded that he didn’t know what had happened. Seems everyone in Older Son’s life needs counseling.
It just keeps piling on, you know?
Is there anything I can do that I haven’t already done?
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I don’t swear much, but I have to say that older son’s dad is an ignorant, self-centered prick. And I mean that to the depths of my soul. No, there is nothing that you can do except pick up the pieces, and keep loving and working with older son. Unfortunately, we can’t control the assholes in this world or what damage they do emotionally or physically to our loved ones.
I really have nothing to add to what Margaret said. She pretty much hit the nail on the head. Good luck.
OMG! I totally agree with Margaret. I can’t believe what an idiot this guy is. I know he is your son’s father and all but how someone could even think of doing something like this to their own child is beond my comprehension. I am in shock as I sit here reading this.
THAT is child abuse to the extreme. That man should be jailed. For life.
I can’t offer any great advice, but would love to have some wisdom to offer. I just don’t understand why people can be so immune to the damage they are doing to their kids. You are doing everything you can to limit that damage, it seems to me.
I don’t think there’s really anything you can do but get angry when someone behaves like that.
That is why there is a court system that garnishes their checks to ensure that the children of “such people” are not penalized for having “such people” as a parent.
I’m in total agreement with Margaret (et al)… that’s the most astonishing thing, I just can’t imagine. I’m kinda wondering what the benefit is to having this man in your child’s life at all. I hope your kid can see him for who he is and move on eventually. Not that that happens with any ease.
I’m so sorry–you and your kids deserve so much more.